Merry Christmas 2013

It’s raining outside and the
Jeep looks like crap.
Miley is twerking to Jingle
Bells Rap.
You beat up some kook in an
S.O.A. tee.
…drive home from the lot with
his freshly chopped tree.
The wife’s making GIFs for her
next tumblr post,
you head for the market to steal
a rib roast.
Your phone starts to buzz as you
head out the door.
The In-laws again, they’re
looking to score.
Christmas will be here in just
one more night,
bring ’em a bottle they’ll stay
out of sight.
The kids left last Friday to go
out and play,
they always come home for the
big holiday.
You pass by a church and think
about mass,
but you know ol’ Santa don’t
give a rat’s ass.
Arrive at a mall where the
parking lot’s packed,
the really nice cars have
already been jacked.
The new “same old” Center’s a
mile away.
You snag a good space it might
be your day.
At American Eagle you hear a
loud sound.
The cops have your daughter
hog-tied on the ground.
You duck into Nordstrom before
you are seen,
They won’t keep her long she’s
only fourteen.
Searching and searching you nab
the right gift.
The guard’s posting selfies,
it’s late in his shift.
Slip out the back door and into
the cold.
Shoplifting’s easy when you
start to look old.
It’s now Christmas morning and
everyone’s here,
They’re fighting and drinking
their holiday cheer.
Your friends and your family
can’t wreck your yuletide.
To hell with them all just go
for a ride!

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